Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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