you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
