speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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