Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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