you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
