i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
tell me about the eggs
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
