I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize