Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
