Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
