Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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