I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
