Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
