my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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