i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
