Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
