he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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