dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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