It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
