im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
