Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
