I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
