I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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