sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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