I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
