nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
