i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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