I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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