Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
