Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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