Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
