fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
