NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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