can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
