Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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