I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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