she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So much rum. So many feels.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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