awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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