And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
