then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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