she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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