mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
