Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
