it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's shark week go big or go home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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