jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize