Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
