I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
