"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
