I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
