there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
