You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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