I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
