It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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