I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
