I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
