I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
