yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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