You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
