just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
