I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
