I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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