I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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