So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
