I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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