That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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