Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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