make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
