Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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