Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
