if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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