im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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