My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
