i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize