i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize