I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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